My Confession: My Baby doesn't Sleep Through the Night

I sit with one of my Aunts on the floor playing with Nugget and she is having such a good time.  She, herself has 4 children and looked at me and said I don't remember this, I don't think I enjoyed it enough.  I may not have four children but I know why she didn't enjoy it, she was tired.  We are all tired and as mothers we have instilled this unrealistic expectation as what your life as a mother should be.

Sleep. As a pregnant woman we were told thousands of times to "sleep while you can" and "you will never sleep again".  When you become a mother, the sleep talks don't stop.  They now turn from your sleep, to your babies sleep.  It will feel as if his performance in the sleep department is in direct correlation to how good of a mother you are.  Basically in the game of mommyhood there is one goal placed on everyone: Get your baby to sleep through the night.  If you reach that goal, everyone wants to know how you got there.  If you haven't reached this goal, everyone wants to tell you how to get your baby to sleep through the night.

The advice received as a new mom is the most confusing advice that you will ever get.  You want your baby to sleep, but not to long because then they need to eat.  You need to feed your baby, but how you feed your baby will determine how you are judged on a whole other level.  You baby needs to nap, but not too much because than they won't sleep through the night.  Well ,how do I get my baby to sleep through the night?  You should have them CIO, but then they will have separation issues.  So then you should Ferber, No-Cry Sleep Solution, Sleep Lady Shuffle, No tears, Gentle Sleep Training, heck here is a Bingo card to figure out your sleep problem, and they will for sure sleep through the night because that is what worked for my baby. With all of these methods, mothers have created their own life hacks on how they worked for them.  They all come with repercussions in mommydom.  You introduced a lovey...well that is a SIDS risk.  You let your baby cry it out for how long?....well that is really sad that you just let your baby cry.  You have to cover you child's face for them to sleep...that seems dumb, how did they get use to that.  You have introduced a paci, sound machine, swing or any other device to help with sleep...you will regret it when they are 8 years old and still need to sleep in a swing... 

When talking about sleep we can't help but bring up the additional judgement surrounded by bedsharing.  MY BABY SLEEPS IN MY BED! He is just fine.  I do not need stories about someone you know that their baby fell off the bed while they were bedsharing because lots of babies fall off of beds and were never sleeping with their parents in the first place. Those that judge bedsharers, I would judge, are formula feeding their child most likely and can share the responsibility of feeding throughout the night with someone else and have lost the particular connection with their child that breastfeeding creates making it safe to bedshare while breastfeeding (the latter is fact, not my judgement).

Breastfeeding, most will say this is why your baby isn't sleeping through the night.  You milk isn't heavy enough.  They need more than breast milk to sleep.  Eight month old babies shouldn't be hungry through out the night, and you should not feed them when they wake up, everyone will tell you.  Offer a paci, let them cry, but for heaven's sake don't' feed that baby because then it will become habit.  My baby wakes to eat because he is hungry, my baby wakes to nurse because he is lonely, my baby wakes to eat because his brain is growing and breast milk has amazing nutrients that  are ideal for this growth, my baby wakes to eat because he freakin' wakes to eat and because he likes boobies, obviously. 

 For the sake of all mother's out there can you please just stop trying to "fix" other babies sleep problems.  Babies wake up, it is totally normal.  Do I think this just because my baby wakes up, not a chance.  I have been able to connect with tons of other moms who have perfectly healthy babies that all wake in the night.  So next time a mother tells you she is tired, buy her a coffee and keep your ferberizing to yourself.