My husband stays at home, Don't feel bad for me

I hired Nugget so he could earn his keep : )

There were a couple of things that Dufda and I knew from the moment we got married.  We would have children.  One of us would stay home with that child.

Growing up, Dufda and I both had a stay at home parent so for me there was no other option.  Specially with day care cost like they are, it just wouldn't be worth it for both of us to work.  When the time came around to deciding who would work, I won...err loss...that one.  I would be taking a maternity leave and going back while Dufda cares for the new baby.  

Maternity leave...I remember people told me it wasn't a vacation.  I tend to highly disagree.  I feel like I never stopped working while I was in college and after I had a really demanding job.  Vacations to actual places are very stressful for me so I always feel like I need a vacation after the actual vacation.  Staying home for three months... I think this was in my dreams a couple of times.  Actually, this was my dream.  From a very young age I wanted to be a mom.  I wanted children early, I wanted to tend house all day and wear an apron while I cook dinner, I wanted to have a baby on my hip, standing on the porch waiting for my husband to come home.  I wanted to be a full time stay home wife.  So maybe I romanticized it, but I got to live out this dream for three months.  I met with other moms, we walked the mall, I visited Target far to much, and I rarely cleaned.  I rarely cleaned because I wasn't a stay at home mom and I was not going to waste the precious days of my babies life cleaning when I knew that I would going back to work very soon.

May 27th, 2013 was the day.  I had to go interact with the real world.  My day was no longer dictated by eat, play, sleep.  I was wearing real clothes, I may have even had make up on.  I was also facing all the people that I hadn't seen in 3 months.  Delivery men, mail lady, my employees.  They are all curious.  They all asked who was taking care of Nugget.  Me, feeling like we have accomplished something, proudly told them that my husband was a stay at home dad.  I thought their reaction would be that of...you know, I guess I never thought about how they should react, but I can tell you how they did react.  I was told by several people over the two months since I returned to work that our arrangement will cause one of the following:

• My children will resent me.
• They will like their daddy more
• Your husband won't be as good at that job as you are
• It will take him 7 years to finally get a hold of things
• Your children will wonder where you are are
• Breastfeeding doesn't last much longer after you start work

This was shocking.  I bet I wouldn't hear these things if I put my child in daycare.  So here it goes.  My husband stays at home.  Don't for one second feel bad for me.  Dufda's job is far harder than mine and I know because I did it for three months.  When people even mention that staying at home isn't work, they most likely have never stayed home with a child.  It is tiring, exhausting work.  There are days that I feel guilty eating my lunch by myself, because I know that Dufda may not have even been able to eat all.  I don't know if he really thought that he would be the main caregiver but he has stepped up to the plate.  I also know that if we ever do get to switch, I won't have an ungrateful husband who thinks I do nothing all day because he has walked for some time in those shoes.

 Also, when I tell you that he stays home, please do not try to analyze me financial situation and make some statement about how "I must make the big bucks".  People in our culture are hardwired to believe that the woman must stay home and people with one income must be rich.  This isn't true.  There is value to being raised by a parent.  That value was figured in when we made our decision.  Not to mention that this is just rude to ask and so many people bring it up.

Husbands stay home now more than they ever did.  We need to stop stereotyping and making it seems that as a stay at home parent you are any less of a person.  I feel like this is so far away...especially in the U.S where women are still making less than men and thought of as the person who cares for the babies.